Hollywood, we need to have a talk…

Since the recent premiere of Battleship, Hollywood seems to think that anything is up for grabs. Now, I’m not saying sequels or movies based off books are bad things. Usually they can be pretty good. But we have to draw a line somewhere.

After seeing the trailer for Battleship I could do nothing but laugh. I was waiting the whole trailer for someone to scream “YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!!!!” It never happened. I was disappointed. It seems like one of the silliest ideas for a movie ever. Had they named it something different, and not said it was based off the game, I probably wouldn’t have been so critical.

I recently came across an article (that was posted back in 2011), that states the next installment of “Hollywood Has No New Ideas”, is a movie based on the game of Candy Land. That’s right. Candy Land. Excuse me for a moment while I go headdesk myself into forgetting this crazy idea. Now, maybe I’m just wanting to save my childhood memories from being soiled by Hollywood and that’s why I’m pretty much against it, but it seems like a reach. Having a movie based off this game feels like the awkward love child between Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and Lord of the Rings. In fact, Jonathan Aibel and Glenn Berger (who were set to be the writers for this movie) told Entertainment Weekly at the time:

“We envision it as Lord of The Rings, but set in a world of candy.”
“We don’t see it as a movie based on a board game, although it has characters from that world and takes the idea of people finding themselves in a world that happens to be made entirely of candy where there are huge battles going on,” Berger says. “We are going for real comedy, real action, and real emotions at stake.”

To which I can only respond with:

Since that article was written, it has come to light that Adam Sandler and his production company, Happy Madison, are now attached. Hopefully, Sandler doesn’t have that high of a bar set for this movie. He and his production company have yet to say what their plans are for this movie.

But my real question is: Where do we draw the line? What’s next? Chutes and Ladders, a movie where a group of people are trying to escape a terrorist by climbing up building stairs, when suddenly someone falls down a ventilation shaft and is back where they started? Just because something can be made into a movie, doesn’t mean that it should be.

“One does not simply walk into Candy Castle. Its licorice gates are guarded by more than just gingerbread men. There is are sweets there that do not sleep, and King Kandy is ever watchful. It is an icing wasteland, riddled with lollipops and chocolate and frosting, the very air you breathe is a sugary fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly.” … I’d apologize for this…but it was begging to be done.

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3 thoughts on “Hollywood, we need to have a talk…

  1. Actually, your idea for Chutes and Ladders sounds pretty watchable. You really should copy right that idea before some exec steals it. 😉
    Also, did you see 21 Jump Street? To their credit, they make a tongue in cheek reference in the first few minutes of the movie on how there are no original ideas in entertainment. Hilarious!

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